I’m Letting What Other People Think Get To Me.

 

I’m feeling a little bit invalidated today. Well, not just today per se, but over the last fortnight or so. It hasn’t been easy, moving over to Australia just so that I can be with Kingy, and there are people here that just simple don’t get that.

To them, I do a lot of things out of the ordinary. I’m weird. I like weird things. Some even reckon that I’m doing what I can to change Kingy to be something that fits in my world (which is really silly, I like to think, because if I didn’t love him for who he is I wouldn’t bother coming here until he became someone I did love). And they just don’t see the immense amount of things I have give up just to be with him.

1. Friends. Yes, I know, there’s MSN and Facebook and stuff. But it’s not the same as going out with them. And I’m pretty rubbish to chat with when I’m online, but in person, you’ll have a fun time trying to get me to shut up. I hardly know anyone here, and pretty much 97% of the people I do know are not of my same age group. And the friends here, they’re good and all, but it’s not the same as the friends I had grown up with, gotten in trouble in school together, shared secrets with etc. It’s just not the same.

2. Food. There’s just so much that they don’t have here. And constantly eating fast food is not something I enjoy. In Singapore, I used to have pizza maybe two or three times a year, not every week. Me wanting to eat Asian stuff when I’m here is because I very rarely eat Western food in my entire twenty two years in Singapore. And it’s not that I don’t enjoy Western cuisine, I just don’t enjoy fast food (except on occasion).

3. Family. I left behind a mother that is very much emotionally dependant on me (hopefully less so now so that she can be her own person, yes, mom I know you’re reading this and I do hope that you’ve started to become your own person more that I’m not around for you to lean on as much) just so that I can be with Kingy.

4. Yuki. I miss my dog so terribly every day. She’s like a little sister to me and every time I see a dog over here I get so excited just cause it reminds me of her and all her stupidity and cuteness.

5. Career. I left a career that was slowly becoming more concrete and stable to the land of the unknown and no income for the amount of time it takes for me to get my residency and get a job here. That’s the financial freedom I had to give up because being dependant on someone else’s income is really shitting me to tears every single time I see something that I want, or need.

So yes, I pretty much left behind the life I have lived for the past twenty two odd years in Singapore just so I can be with this man that I love. I’ve come to this place, to live in a part of the city where Asian things are not common (I can’t go the supermarket and buy rock sugar, and the nearest Asian grocer is a half an hour drive away, for example), and there are just people out there that don’t get that.

Can you imagine you doing that?

I’m weird, and I’m strange to a lot of the people I meet here. And I’m doing the best I can do be comfortable living here without going all ching chong on everyone.

The truly important people know all of this, and I’m grateful and thankful for that. Why am I letting what only a small handful of people think affect me this badly? I guess because some of them I tend to think are important people too. Obviously, some are just not, so this isn’t really about them. It’s about the people who Kingy are close to, who are important to him, and therefore by proxy important to me, too.

I guess, I just have to let it all go. Knowing in my heart that I know what I gave up, Kingy knows what I gave up, that should be all that matters. Letting other people impress their judgement on me when they don’t even realise all of the above mentioned is judging them, and that’s not who I want to be.

They don’t know me, they don’t know my story, and therefore whatever opinion they have of me is based on either what the fabricate in their minds, or based on their opinions on people that are not like them.

I guess I can’t fault them for that.

It does, however, feel a lot better getting that out of my system. So if you’ve made it this far down the post, thank you for reading, and thank you for understanding.

Sending out love to everyone of you,
Lixximajig

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