I’m Letting What Other People Think Get To Me.

 

I’m feeling a little bit invalidated today. Well, not just today per se, but over the last fortnight or so. It hasn’t been easy, moving over to Australia just so that I can be with Kingy, and there are people here that just simple don’t get that.

To them, I do a lot of things out of the ordinary. I’m weird. I like weird things. Some even reckon that I’m doing what I can to change Kingy to be something that fits in my world (which is really silly, I like to think, because if I didn’t love him for who he is I wouldn’t bother coming here until he became someone I did love). And they just don’t see the immense amount of things I have give up just to be with him.

1. Friends. Yes, I know, there’s MSN and Facebook and stuff. But it’s not the same as going out with them. And I’m pretty rubbish to chat with when I’m online, but in person, you’ll have a fun time trying to get me to shut up. I hardly know anyone here, and pretty much 97% of the people I do know are not of my same age group. And the friends here, they’re good and all, but it’s not the same as the friends I had grown up with, gotten in trouble in school together, shared secrets with etc. It’s just not the same.

2. Food. There’s just so much that they don’t have here. And constantly eating fast food is not something I enjoy. In Singapore, I used to have pizza maybe two or three times a year, not every week. Me wanting to eat Asian stuff when I’m here is because I very rarely eat Western food in my entire twenty two years in Singapore. And it’s not that I don’t enjoy Western cuisine, I just don’t enjoy fast food (except on occasion).

3. Family. I left behind a mother that is very much emotionally dependant on me (hopefully less so now so that she can be her own person, yes, mom I know you’re reading this and I do hope that you’ve started to become your own person more that I’m not around for you to lean on as much) just so that I can be with Kingy.

4. Yuki. I miss my dog so terribly every day. She’s like a little sister to me and every time I see a dog over here I get so excited just cause it reminds me of her and all her stupidity and cuteness.

5. Career. I left a career that was slowly becoming more concrete and stable to the land of the unknown and no income for the amount of time it takes for me to get my residency and get a job here. That’s the financial freedom I had to give up because being dependant on someone else’s income is really shitting me to tears every single time I see something that I want, or need.

So yes, I pretty much left behind the life I have lived for the past twenty two odd years in Singapore just so I can be with this man that I love. I’ve come to this place, to live in a part of the city where Asian things are not common (I can’t go the supermarket and buy rock sugar, and the nearest Asian grocer is a half an hour drive away, for example), and there are just people out there that don’t get that.

Can you imagine you doing that?

I’m weird, and I’m strange to a lot of the people I meet here. And I’m doing the best I can do be comfortable living here without going all ching chong on everyone.

The truly important people know all of this, and I’m grateful and thankful for that. Why am I letting what only a small handful of people think affect me this badly? I guess because some of them I tend to think are important people too. Obviously, some are just not, so this isn’t really about them. It’s about the people who Kingy are close to, who are important to him, and therefore by proxy important to me, too.

I guess, I just have to let it all go. Knowing in my heart that I know what I gave up, Kingy knows what I gave up, that should be all that matters. Letting other people impress their judgement on me when they don’t even realise all of the above mentioned is judging them, and that’s not who I want to be.

They don’t know me, they don’t know my story, and therefore whatever opinion they have of me is based on either what the fabricate in their minds, or based on their opinions on people that are not like them.

I guess I can’t fault them for that.

It does, however, feel a lot better getting that out of my system. So if you’ve made it this far down the post, thank you for reading, and thank you for understanding.

Sending out love to everyone of you,
Lixximajig

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PhotoBlog: People I Love!

I got out my camera and realized I have quite a bit of photos stuck in my card that I haven’t uploaded in a while, and there’s quite a bit of them.

I have photos of my baby! Gosh I miss her so much. She’s so cuddly and cute and my mother is always telling me that she’s so sad and lonely and crying!

I’ve always loved hanging with the boys. I feel like I can properly be myself with them, and they never fail to make me laugh. Gone were the days of DOTA and Tower Defence, only stopping to pee or have dinner. Man, I really miss those days.

me mom james and merc

Mom wanted some photos with me before I left so I suggested that we headed down to Japanese Garden, which is like, five minutes from my house. It’s such a nice place to hang out, really, and I don’t spend enough time there. I must take some photos when I’m back in Singapore in September.

I had a buffet lunch with Mom and Dad when James was here. I loved the prawns and ate so much of it but James said that Australia has much better seafood. I have yet to eat any since I’ve been here though. 😛

That’s pretty much it! 🙂

Forever Starts in 1 Day

James lands tomorrow. Tomorrow. He lands tomorrow!!!! Oh man I’m so excited! I get to see him again. My to do list is now almost empty – only able to finish it completely when he is here. Time needs to fast forward to when he actually gets here. I miss his hugs so much.

I just had myself some durian. Some of your might think it’s nasty, but I like it. I don’t go crazy over it, but I like it enough to enjoy it. Such a typical Singaporean, eh? When James visited, I let him try a durian puff, and that was a mild version of the actual taste of durian, and being a typical Caucasian, he didn’t like it, heh.

My hands smell of durian right now, tee hee.

I don’t know if you guys actually understand the whole “Forever Starts in XX Days” thing as being when James land in Singapore, and not when I fly over. This is because we would start our life together (that sounds like we’re getting married, lol) and the first step is getting me over there. It doesn’t really sound that stressful, moving over there, right? Trust me, it is.

I’m very attached to everyone here, and this will always be my home. I’m a born worrier, and I would worry for everyone here. I don’t know how much of a difference my physical presence here would make, but it doesn’t stop me from worrying about the people I care about.

There’s a song from the recent movie Country Strong called Coming Home, which I find aptly describes what ‘home’ is.

“It’s a four-letter word, a place you go to heal your hurt.
It’s an altar, it’s a shelter, one place you’re always welcome.
A pink flamingo, doublewide, one bedroom on a high rise, a mansion on a hill,
where the memories always will keep you company whenever you’re alone.”

It stresses me to no end that I’m leaving all of this behind, but I know I need to do this.

It may a little bad, but I would miss my dog most, out of everyone here in Singapore. She’s my closest friend, my sister, the one who has been there, everyday, making me smile without fail, doing absolutely silly things, someone that I could talk to without being judged, probably because she has absolutely no idea what I’m saying.

She’s been my constant companion for the past ten years. She’ll turn exactly ten when I leave. I’m going miss my baby Yuki so much. There has never been “good times” and “bad times” with Yuki. It has always been just “good times”, even when she pees and poos in my room.

Maybe she’s the hardest to leave behind because I know everyone else can take care of themselves. She can’t.

I’m actually crying as I wrote that. James, can we get a dog? Please?

I think this would be the last proper post until I get settled in there. See you on the other side, everyone!

25 Days…

Just applied for my visa. Crossing my fingers all will go well! It’s nearly 25 days to the big move and it’s slowly starting to sink in… This is really happening.

Just a quick edit on March 09 2011: MY VISA GOT APPROVED!!!!!! *does massive happy dance* I’m going to tear my wisdom tooth stitches from smiling so hard.

No Shoes In My Sanctuary

 

My bedroom is my sanctuary. It’s the place where I go to after a hard day of working to unwind, and relax. It’s the place I run to when I want to hide from the world, and it’s the place where I always felt that this was “my” space. Not anyone else’s. Mine. The living room and kitchen are family spaces, and my bedroom is my own personal cave.

I have amazing fantasies of customizing it with many things, and having candle after candle burning, creating gorgeous scents throughout the room. Putting up photos of me with the people I care about. Have a nice big collage of framed photos up on the wall. Yes. That would be lovely. I did attempt to do this, but the frames kept dropping and after some great big drama with my air conditioning and my wall, I gave up with it altogether.

 

 

I would always get cranky when other people came into my bedroom, and create a huge mess around it. When I mean huge, I mean really huge. Such as throw a lot of the clothes in my cupboard on the floor, or leave wrappers from newly open products all over the place.

Now that I would be moving in with someone else, my bedroom isn’t just my bedroom anymore. My rules are going to have to bend somewhat. There would be something that is for sure, though; my number one rule. No shoes allowed, especially since it would be carpet flooring. See, the logic behind this is – you walk around all day in dirt and mud and gross things, and you bring all of that into the bedroom with you when you wear your shoes there. Simple logic, yes?

 

 

It’s really hitting home that for the first time in my life, I’ll be sharing my room with someone else. It hit especially hard when I saw James sectioning the room, going, “This is your space,” and “These are your drawers,” and asking me where I’d like my computer to go.

Now I have furniture to think about, organizing my wardrobe, and all that other fun stuff. It’s going to be a headache, but I reckon it’ll be worth it in the end.

Things To Do before THE BIG MOVE

I like lists. Lists are usually what keep me organized. So I should make a list before I run around like a headless chicken panicking over everything. So here are things I need to do before the big move.

1. Apply for a long stay visa. This is going to give me much grief and headache.
2. Apply for a international driving permit.
3. Make a pair of prescription sunglasses.
4. Buy a new pair of jeans.
5. Pack, but I’ll probably only start this a week before.
6. Figure out how to get my iMac over.
7. Remove my last wisdom tooth so it’ll stop giving me grief.
8. Lose a lot of weight.
9. Learn to cook basic, edible Asian food.
10. Learn to do some housework, because I am dumb and don’t know how to.
11. Find my diploma. It’s hiding somewhere.
12. Replace my absolutely destroyed debit card.

45 days and counting.